Nightlight: A Parody (Lampoon Parodies)

About three things I am absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him--which I assumed was wildly out of his control--that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me. Pale and klutzy, Belle Goose arrives in Switchblade, Oregon, looking for adventuree, or at least an undead classmate. She soon discovers Edwart, a super-hot computer nerd with zero interest in girls. After witnessing a number of strang events--Edwart leaves his Tater Tots untouched at lunch! Edwart saves her from a flying snowball!--Belle has a dramatic revelation: Edwart is a vampire. But how can she convine Edwart to bite her and transform her into his eternal bride, escecially when he seems to find girls so repulsive?